Online Love

Links: The documentary has been split into four parts
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=POE0nBKFo9Y
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WbKbV2jmOTI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rtxWg9zSmv4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFKHpDPIf8M


Sometime ago the current affairs programme 20/20 aired a special edition titled Virtual adultery and cyberspace love. The segment followed two ladies; Caroline, who had an affair on her husband with her virtual boyfriend, and Kristen, who married her online love. After watching the programme I was left feeling an assortment of emotions, from scepticism to curiosity and excitement. When we were asked to write a blog for this class, I instantly knew that I wanted to re-watch the show and use the blog as a way of exploring Second Life and the concept of online relationships.

The show begins with Caroline explaining her reasons for joining Second Life. She reveals that she was unhappy in her marriage and depressed in her role as a stay at home mother. She explains she resorted to Second Life in a bid to gain mental stimulation. As Caroline’s life and feelings began to unravel I started to understand the appeal of Second Life, I mean imagine being able to recreate yourself to look and act however you desired. It is evident that some people participate in Second Life because they are unsatisfied with their real life, and are searching for something novel and mysterious.

Caroline explains that during her time on Second Life she became romantically involved with another avatar. Once again, I felt I could relate to Caroline’s exhilaration, as she described experiencing the giddy, warm feeling of falling in love. However, she then went onto explain that her new relationship meant she was often on the internet for fourteen hours a day. My thoughts quickly turned to Caroline’s poor real life husband, who did not have the luxury of instantaneously developing the physique of a body builder, like that of his avatar opposition. It became obvious that Caroline was opting out of her real life, and fully immersing herself into the online world. It was at this point I started to worry about the potential health risks for someone like Caroline. Personally, I think existing as two different people, having two different relationships and living in two different worlds, sounds both psychologically and emotionally draining.

I began to feel sympathetic toward both Caroline and her husband. Her husband was clearly in a state of utter confusion, and understandably so, since cases of virtual adultery are not commonly heard of. Caroline, on the other hand was obviously in a complete state of denial with regards to her online relationship. When her husband questioned her about her online partner, she would simply brush him off and give responses such as ‘role play is just part of the game’ and ‘he’s not real’. However, her husband did not buy these answers (and neither did I), thus it came as no surprise when Caroline left America to visit her online partner in England.

Caroline’s story is a clear example of the boundaries between reality and fantasy blurring. Clearly, Caroline had become so immersed in her virtual life, that it started spilling over into reality and affecting her relationship and family unit. When Caroline finally met her avatar partner in England it was a flop, there was no spark. It made me think, perhaps online relationships are a bit like holiday flings; their exciting when you’re out of your element, but amount to nothing when you re-enter the grind of everyday life.

By this point in the documentary I was feeling very pessimistic about online relationships, aswell as virtual worlds in general. However, the documentary then introduced Kristen, a single lady who looked to be in her mid thirties. Like Caroline, Kristen was looking for something exciting, and she was also drawn by the fact that she could become who ever she wanted in Second Life (surprise, surprise, her avatar was a busty blonde, quite the opposite to her real life exterior). Appearance aside, it was Kristen’s experience of love on Second Life that restored my faith in virtual partnerships. Kristen met an avatar who ironically managed to demonstrate old fashioned chivalry in a contemporary virtual world. Kristen’s partner took her on virtual dinner dates; they had picnics in the ‘park’ and exchanged their hopes and dreams.

Once again the boundaries between reality and fantasy began to blur, when Kristen and her online partner decided to met in the real world. Kristen’s face to face exchange was very different to that of Caroline’s. For Kristen and her partner sparks flew even outside the romantic setting of Second Life, leading to development of a real life relationship whilst still maintaining their online one. Eventually they got married, opting for both a real life and virtual wedding. What I found extremely interesting is the value that this couple placed on their virtual wedding. They had real life family members attend their online wedding in avatar form. The couple also had pictures of their online wedding hung up in their real life home to document the day. I believe Caroline and her husband had no problem exhibiting their online lives in their real life home, because they were so grateful for what the virtual world had given them, each other.

Virtual adultery and cyberspace love was an extremely interesting, and well balanced documentary. It presented the dangerous temptations of the online world, as well as the amazing opportunities for relationships and love. I think that it is important to recognise that the documentary presents two completely opposite extremes; a life shattered by online adultery and a life completely enhanced by online love. Overall, I believe Second Life offers an innovative way of meeting people and forming relationships. On the other hand, I also believe forming online relationships can be emotionally risky and have real life consequences. After watching the documentary my advice for anyone seeking online love, would be to make sure that you are at the right stage in your life, aswell as being in the right frame of mind.

Amanda Pearce